How I get back up again

You are lost, you don’t know what happened. You were doing great, being productive, going to the gym. You were doing everything you were supposed to do and it was ok.

 

So what happened? Why are you still in bed at noon? Why haven’t you showered since Tuesday?

 

I have been there, many times. Especially over the last year.

 

For weeks, I can be kicking ass, just to hit rock bottom in less than 24 hours. One bad day is enough to throw me into a 2-week bender of self-loathing and procrastination.

 

The loathing feeds the laziness and the laziness feeds the loathing.

 

I am not writing this post to give you a magical solution. I haven’t found it. I am doing ok right now but I dread the loss of self-control that I feel is imminent.

 

The best thing that I have going for me is the self-awareness of a problem. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how to fix it. But I know it’s there.

 

I know what pushes me into these episodes. It’s loss of control. The lack of a plan causes me to freak out and shut down. For the past few months, I have had no control of my living situation. My husband is in police academy for 6 months and I have been living with my dad in the meantime.

 

Three weeks ago I was supposed to find out where we are getting placed. Someone was supposed to tell me where my family was going to be plopped for the next few years. Yet here we are, it’s January 24th and I still don’t know.

 

I finished my degree a little over a month ago. Since finishing, I feel like I have had nothing to work for. I can’t apply to schools, I don’t know where I’ll be. I can’t get another job, I don’t know where I’ll be. I can’t look for a place, because, you guessed it, I don’t know where I’ll be.

 

I know this isn’t the case for you.  There is likely something completely different going on in your life. But I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way.

 

I find myself trying to let go. To ‘go with the flow’ and ‘travel wherever the path takes me’. This is crap. This is the thinking that knocks me down.

 

What I really need is to work towards something. There are always things I want to work on when I’m super busy but don’t have the time. Now that I have the time, why am I not doing anything?

 

So, I set goals for myself. Do a lesson on Codecademy every day. 50 xp on Duolingo every day. Yoga every morning and running every evening. Even writing a blog post every day.

 

I am constantly failing at keeping these habits. But, I do find that every time I fall, I get back up again stronger. As corny as that sounds. I learn each time what went wrong and what went right.

 

Here is what I’ve learned so far:

 

  • Don’t take everything on too quickly.
    • Begin a new habit once a day or once a week. Whatever works for you. Don’t try to get started on all 17 New Year’s resolutions on January 1st.

 

  • It’s ok to have a bad day. But don’t let it take you down.
    • Everyone has bad days, it’s ok. But the next morning you need to get up again and start the day anew.

 

This brings me to my next point.

  • Get up when you wake up.
    • I don’t care if you read Reddit before starting your day or not. Get up.
    • Wake up, get up.

 

I find that I trap myself in bed by having all of my comforts so close at hand. My phone on one side and a good book on the other.

 

With this method, I end up lazing around in bed until to urge to pee is finally bad enough.

 

When I get up I have started my day. Somehow, taking that final first step is enough to get the ball rolling. The longer I lay in the bed the shittier I feel for being so lazy.

 

I don’t know if this will help anyone or not, I just know that it’s been helping me. Please let me know what you think or if you have any tips for motivating, habit forming, or being productive.

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3 thoughts on “How I get back up again

  1. You’re beautiful and I miss the hell out of you. I hope you continue to post because I enjoyed reading! I struggle with being productive on days I have time to sleep in as well, hopefully we can motivate eachother in the meantime.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Duolingo, yoga, running…and eventually unable to keep up! I think we have so much in common (as far as interests are concerned) there are so many things to do, so much to read, but yes you’re right, in the end we still find ourselves in our beds all day with a phone or a book lol

    “With this method, I end up lazing around in bed until to urge to pee is finally bad enough.” –totally agree! Haha!

    Liked by 1 person

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